Business etiquette
Q&A
15 tricky situations

You knew from the time you were a toddler the basics of proper etiquette. Please, thank you, and excuse me come easily to you in the proper situations. And while other aspects of good manners are not overly complicated, a breach of etiquette can cost you business. If the occasional situation arises in professional relationships when you don’t know what is considered appropriate behavior, this article is for you.

Here are a handful of etiquette dilemmas that you may experience in business settings—some more often than others. The answers come from Marjorie Brody, a business-communications expert with more than 20 years’ experience on matters of business etiquette.

When I meet a new prospect, should I call him or her by first name? Does age or gender play a role in this decision? What about other real estate professionals I meet for the first time?

Typically in the U.S., we live in a more informal environment where we use first names. (Note that this does not mean nicknames, unless asked to do so.) Age or gender does not play a role. However, you cannot err by using Mr., Mrs., Ms./Miss. Ask the person what he or she prefers to be called. With other agents, it’s typically going to be on a first-name basis.

What are the rules for shaking hands? Is it OK for me to initiate a handshake with anyone in a business situation, regardless of age or gender?

The rule of thumb in business is to extend your hand, regardless of gender. Women need to make a point of not only extending hands to one another, but also to men who may have been brought up waiting for them to extend a hand. A firm handshake is the proper greeting in U.S. business.

If I have a cold or other contagious illness, should I still shake hands with someone? I don’t want to offend the person, but I don’t want to pass along my germs either. What about if I suspect the other person has an illness? Is there a way for me to politely reject him when he has his hand extended?

The handshake is still appropriate; however, you might say to someone, “I have a cold, so, if you prefer not to shake hands, that’s OK.” Also, be sure to use handkerchiefs with your left hand, keeping your right hand as germ-free as possible and free to shake. Don’t reject others. Wash your hands frequently or carry bacteria cleanser with you and use it frequently.
What should I do if another real estate agent talks harshly to me in front of a client? Should I respond right then or later, when my client is not around?

Respond later. It would be embarrassing both to your client and the other agent if you gave them feedback in front of each other. Just because the other agent was disrespectful, doesn’t mean you have to be, too.

I have a touchy-feely client, but I’m not a touchy-feely person. How do I avoid her contact without offending her?

You have several options: 1) Extend your hand, keeping your arm stiff, which will prevent her from getting closer to you; 2) Let her know you are backing up because you are uncomfortable with close contact; 3) Suck it up and realize this is what it’s going to take to maintain the relationship.

I have a client who uses vulgar language and tells offensive jokes. I don’t want to jeopardize my business relationship, but I don’t think I should have to put up with his comments. What’s the best way to ask him to stop?

The best way is to be direct, but polite. That could be done by saying, “I’m uncomfortable with your language and jokes. Could you make an effort not to use it in front of me?” If you want to soften it a bit, you may start by saying, “I know I’m a bit old-fashioned or squeaky clean, but … ” and then go on.

Recently, I was showing a client properties when I experienced low blood sugar. I keep snacks in my glove compartment for just such situations, but I felt strange eating a granola bar while on a business appointment. Should I have offered an explanation? Should I have offered my client a snack, too?

It’s perfectly appropriate to let the client know you have blood-sugar problems and that you’re going to have to snack periodically. Of course, bring enough snacks for everyone, and offer them one, too. People are very understanding.

Is there an acceptable way for me to take phone calls when I’m with a prospect or client? I feel like I always have to be reachable—that any call could be an important one.

I think it’s rude to take a phone call when you’re with a prospect or client. Instead, put a greeting on your voice mail that says, “I’m currently with a client, but I will be back to you within 90 minutes,” or whatever time frame is reasonable to you. This lets callers know you are attentive to them and allows you to really focus your attention on your current client.

I have a client who is always at least 10 minutes late to meetings. Is it acceptable for me to start showing up 10 minutes late, so I’m not always waiting for him?

No! Be on time. Bring magazines, thank-you cards, or something else to work on or keep you busy. Use your time wisely.

I was driving some clients to a property when the husband and wife got into a heated argument about the type of house they wanted. I felt very uncomfortable, and the argument lasted for quite some time. Is there something I could have said to try to diffuse the situation?

The only thing that you could say is, “Would the two of you like to be alone to discuss this, and we will reschedule our appointment?” If the answer is no, they are obviously not uncomfortable with arguing in front of you, so keep your eyes on the road and let it go.

What’s the best way to deliver negative news? I have to do this quite often, whether I’m telling buyers they can’t afford the kind of house they want or explaining to sellers that several things they love about their house should be changed if they want to sell it quickly and for the best price.

One technique for delivering negative news is to sandwich it. Start with the positive, then put the negative in the middle, and then end with another positive. So, if you tell buyers they can’t afford the house, it would be saying something like this: “Although spending X amount of dollars is a lot of money, given the current real estate market, it’s not enough to buy the kind of property you are looking for. You can, however, afford a wonderful house that will meet many of your needs.” For the second scenario, you’d say something like this: “Your home is lovely, but today’s buyers are looking for simplicity. If you pulled up your carpets so they could see the beautiful wood floors and took down the curtains so they could see the lovely windows, you’d be able to sell it more quickly and for a better price.” Or, fill in your own specifics for the changes you suggest.

I wrote an e-mail about two clients who are driving me crazy because they hate every house they look at. I meant to send the e-mail to my daughter. Unfortunately, I sent it to the clients. I was just letting off steam, and I don’t want to lose them as clients. What do I do now?

You probably will lose them as clients, and take it as a great lesson learned. Use your technology wisely. On the other hand, it won’t hurt to call and say, “Oops. You got my message. I was venting my frustrations. I hope you’ll forgive me and be willing to continue looking at properties so you are ultimately satisfied.”

I have a client who is an avid tennis player, and I’m always looking for new tennis partners. What are the rules about asking a client to do something on a more personal level? Should I wait until after our business dealings?

It’s fine to ask the client if she wants to play tennis. Hopefully, the business dealings will be ongoing, so remember: be professional on the court.

Some sellers stay in the home, or worse, follow us from room to room when I’m showing buyer clients a property. Is there a polite way I can get them off our tail, so my buyers can talk freely to each other and to me about what they see?

If you arrive before the buyers, set expectations up front. Ask if the sellers will be staying in the house, and if so, suggest they stay away during the tour but are available for questions at the end. If you arrive with your buyers, you can still make the same request.

Other agents always ask me how much I did in sales last year. I don’t want to tell them, so sometimes I say I prefer not to discuss it; other times I make a joke such as, “Not as much as I’d like.” Are both of these replies acceptable?

Your replies are perfect. Other agents are inappropriate to ask.

Marjorie Brody, ma, csp, cmc, (BrodyCommunications.com, 800/726-7936), is a speaker, consultant, and coach to Fortune 1,000 executives. She has written 18 books, including the award-winning Help! Was That a Career Limiting Move? and her newest title, Career MAGIC: A Woman’s Guide to Reward & Recognition. Her workplace and career commentary has been featured on CNBC and Fox-TV, in the Wall Street Journal, and many other media outlets.

Do you have a business-etiquette question? Send it to etiquette@texasrealtors.com. Some answers will be published in future issues of Texas REALTOR® or in Texas REALTOR® Focus, the Texas Association of REALTORS® member e-mail newsletter.

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